I Think There Could be Squatters in Your House!
Just a small suggestion, but one that many will welcome.
Making the World a better place, for everybody - that's what we'd all like, isn't it? Well here's a solid suggestion. I'm not saying it's a huge improvement - on the contrary, it's minuscule. But it could add up to something significant, or at least noticeable. See if you agree.
If you've read the introduction to my WhatDoINo Substack, you may remember that I set myself a challenge for some of these articles: take something really trivial, mundane, everyday - and apply some Thought™, and see if you can make an improvement. That is JUST the sort of thing that we DON'T normally think about. It's routine; it's habit; it's normal, and therefore liable to go un-examined.
"After all", I reasoned, "if it's something you do often, even a small improvement could add up to something significant over a lifetime".
Well - it doesn't get much more basic than this.
Imagine a man needs to pee. [There's a couple of lesbians I know who may wish to skip this and two more paragraphs. They know who they are. ;-) ] We'll make him a young man in his teens because I can motivate him the best (but by the time I've finished, you may wish to make it your husband, son, significant other, or flat-mate).
Put yourself in his position. You are visiting a girl where she lives with a couple of female flat-mates, perhaps, and you REALLY want to make a good impression on this girl. At some point you need to use the [insert appropriate euphemism here - loo, bathroom (how ridiculous is that?), toilet (literally a place where you wash), water closet, WC, john etc etc]. (A small boast here. Being brought up in a middle-class family in Britain, it has taken me YEARS to be able to say "toilet" without wincing. But now I'm free! "Toilet"! See? - didn't hurt a bit)!
Let's analyse what happens. You're on your best behaviour. You shut and lock the door; you walk over to the euphemism; and being well brought up, you not only lift the lid but the seat as well. You unzip your fly, and aim at the water at the bottom of the bowl, or maybe the back of the bowl. When you've finished, you tidy yourself away, put down the seat and lid - (I know - impressive huh?); flush it; turn round; walk over to the basin, where you wash your hands; progress to the door which you unlock and walk through, leaving the door how it was when you found it.
Now how could that possibly be improved? (And I know some of you wish the boys/men in your life could just attain that standard ...)
Well, I think you can. And all it takes is transposing one of those actions, and inserting a small one.
There's a problem with this sequence. Look at the structure of the toilet bowl. Where does the water appear when you flush? It emerges from under that flap that extends all around the top of the bowl. Everything ABOVE the bottom of that flap does not get flushed. That stream of urine which looks so coherent actually isn't: every so often drops fly out from the main stream at a small angle. Some land on the upper part that does not get flushed, and bacteria get to work on them. "Oh goody - water, nitrogen and phosphorus - all the things I'm short of"! (You're putting yourself in the mind of the bacterium now. Keep up please)! Among the breakdown products is ammonia, which has a pungent smell.
The next day each of the three female occupants will enter the bathroom at some point. Their reaction - possibly just subliminally - is "oh dear, there's been a man in here".
Now being an ardent young man, you want everything possible rooting for that girl liking you. It's only a small thing - eliminating that association of you with disgust - but it's there.
My suggestion for improvement is that you move one of those actions - turning round - up in the sequence, and you do a knee-bend - i.e. you sit down.
"What - sit down like a woman when I pee? No way!"
"No, not like a woman: you're still using your fly, see? You haven't pulled your trousers down."
Well ... I still think I'd feel like a sissy"
"OK, if it helps, think like this: only the most well-endowed men can do this. It's those who are a little short in that department who have to stand up. [sotto voce] It's not true - but you can think like that ... (maybe unless your pants are particularly tight).
"Well ... maybe I could give it a go.”
I haven't finished: there's an another benefit. That extra knee-bend is good for your quads and knees. They'll get stronger and you will live longer. In fact, if you like, you could use having a pee as a prompt to do 10 deep knee bends each time!
If you're a man, when you pee outside - stand up: it's only natural. Peeing indoors is an unnatural thing to do. You're going to use a receptacle of some sort (I hope). Using it well costs nothing, not even time.
Whoever cleans the euphemism will thank you ... and me.
That’s it.
You're welcome!
Section for Advanced users of Thinking™
You may get to the point of behaving something like the following when you’re at home. You pee into a stainless steel bucket, then put its lid on. Once or twice a day you take it out to your vegetable patch, dilute it with plenty of water, then put it round your veggies and trees. Use that free fertilizer instead of pouring it down the drain! Let's look at the advantages of this permaculture type of practice.
You eliminate your contribution to nitrate and phosphate pollution in river and sea. (Topical)?
You feed your soil organisms exactly the nutrients they are short of,
without spending money on fertilizer ( I've heard this rumour that fertilizer is going to be expensive. For some reason people think there's a shortage. It's all around you! Look)!
You recycle the exact amount of those nutrients that you are using up.
Perhaps you will get to re-use those expensive micronutrients that you bought, like selenium and iodine supplements.
You get to eat flourishing fresh healthy vegetables for very little or no cost - and when there's a food shortage you'll notice this!
And you don't poison yourself with Glyphosate (Roundup) as you do if you buy plant products that are not Organic (especially oats, wheat and maize).
In the Middle Ages people would pay money for that fertilizer. (Hence the expression "piss-poor" … which is a step above "he doesn't have a pot to piss in").1
Progress?! Hah!
True. I’m not being facetious.
or you could grab a bit of tissue and wipe the bowl before you flush